In the immortal words of the late, great Mitch Hedberg, "Hey Frampton! Do you like toast, too? As do I. It is warm and crispy and the perfect place for jelly to lay."

Who doesn't love toast? Thanks to the crafty folks at Instructables, you can now make delicious golden brown toast with your VCR (for all the kids: VCR) using these step-by-step instructions.

Now, if only someone would figure out how to convert a discman into a waffle iron, I can be rid of even more archaic junk cluttering up my apartment and have a complete breakfast to boot.

Kaity Tong PIX News At Ten

So, many people have been asking me, "Is it REALLY true that you can't swim?!" I felt I needed to address this looming issue before it got so big, there'd be no stopping it. I've had this happen to me before, so I know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, this all began when I hijacked Watkins' blog when he was on vacation during Christmas. I was complaining about something or other and somehow veered off into a story about how I was forced to pass a WRITTEN swimming test in order to graduate from college. A well-respected center of learning, but really hardcore about their long-established rules! Katharine Hepburn went there (long before me) and I was told she got kicked out after she was caught swimming in the nude in the library cloisters pond. I love this story. If it's apocryphal, I don't want to know.

Again, I digress. In answer to those of you whose jaws hit the floor when you found out there are grown people, like me, who never mastered the art of swimming, let me try to explain. I blame my parents. That's always a good place to start. It's all my parents' fault that I am afraid of the water.

JetBlue, the airline everyone loved to love up until that whole trapped-on-a-plane-for-nine-hours fiasco is trying once again to get in the good graces of honest, hard-working Americans. With the economy in the dumps and fewer people taking to the skies, the enterprising minds at the airline are now offering refunds to anyone who loses their job. Call it an insurance policy of sorts for belt-tighteners who are thinking of foregoing that spring trip to Cancun, lest they lose their employment.

As always, there's some fine print to read and some hoops to jump through (Faxing an notarized form? What is this, 1990?). For the most part, though, it seems like the airline is making a genuine effort to coax jittery citizens to get on with their lives, come Madoff or Stanford.

The only clause that makes us a bit nervous:

If request for refund is not approved JetBlue will still cancel the flight(s), charge a $100 cancellation fee and place any remaining amount in a voucher/credit shell, valid toward future air-only transportation on JetBlue for up to one year

If you're newly out of work and want to recoup the cost of an upcoming trip, just make sure you definitely want to cancel your tickets and are willing to part with $100 if they don't find your hoop-jumping up to snuff.

Chris Glorioso PIX News At Ten

Al Sharpton's cartoon crusade is now in stage 2 and this act may prove to be much more interesting than the tussle over a bloody chimp drawing. Sharpton wants the Federal Communications Commission to review (interpretation: revoke) the waivers that allow News Corporation to own a major newspaper and two local television stations in New York City. Currently, Rupert Murdoch runs both Channel 5 (WNYW) and Channel 9 (WWOR), while publishing the New York Post. Couple those outlets with the Wall Street Journal and Fox News Channel and you've got a lot of press power in the hands of one Australian mogul.

Traditionally regulators have looked down on such ownership consolidation. They've rightly been concerned that if one company owns too many media outlets, that company will be able to silence alternate perspectives. Diversity in the media is a noble goal, and that's why tomorrow's meeting is about much more than a racist cartoon.

Whether or not President Obama's address to a joint session of Congress last night provided the reassurance the American people need and want, there were definitely a few lofty moments that prompted double-takes.

Did he just say the United States of America invented the automobile? General consensus is that it was Karl Benz of Germany. Will the housing plan be able to differentiate between irresponsible homeowners who tried to live outside their means and the honest citizens who are genuinely victims of the housing crisis? Sounds like a monumental task to make those distinctions. Here's a good attempt from the AP to separate fact from fiction in the presidential address on the U.S. economy.

Chris Glorioso PIX News At Ten

Some of their comments were racist. Others were malicious. No gentleman would ever speak in such a way about a 74-year-old woman. So what should happen to three Harrison cops and one Codes Enforcement Officer who published vulgar, sexually insulting, and prejudiced facebook attacks against their elderly Town Supervisor and their African American President?

Shouldn't they be fired? Indeed, how can a black Harrison resident be expected to trust one of these guys were he ever to pull him or her over? How can an elderly or female resident not shudder when the police lights flash behind her?

On the other hand, why should these officers be punished for comments they made outside of work. As repugnant their words are... doesn't the Constitution protect even racists and chauvinists from government retaliation.

Kaity Tong PIX News At Ten

Yes, I know. Sounds like the title of an Italian porn movie. But let me explain.

The news has been so depressing lately. Everyone in the newsroom was feeling low today, especially after hearing that our Washington DC bureau is closing. The toll of a crummy economy AND bankruptcy.