Getting Past Your Breakup
Just in time for Spring, romance is in the air for many, but perhaps not for everyone. Author and relationship expert Susan Elliott stopped by the PIX Morning News to talk about how to get beyond a failed relationship and find new romance.
With flowers reawakening in spring and a new wedding season on the horizon, many people are anxious to break out of their winter hibernation to find a love match of their own.
Even those with a track record of failed relationships can spring back from a rocky place to end their destructive pattern, says relationship expert and certified grief counselor Susan J. Elliott.
Elliott is proof of this capability people have of taking their lives back. After surviving an abusive marriage, she moved past her fear to start over and find new love. In her new book, Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You, Elliott offers hope by focusing on how breakups can be a catalyst to transform your
life into everything you've always wanted.
To get there, Elliott offers some ot-so-simple rules for healthy dating which include:
1. Enjoy yourself. Think of dating as an opportunity to go to new places and meet new people.
2. Stay safe. Keep first dates casual, meet in well-populated places, and trust your intuition. If you think the person you're with is bad news, bail early and don't give your contact information.
3. Keep the conversation light. Think about whether you like this person and whether they like you. Don't reveal deep dark secrets, and don't talk about your ex. And, avoid long chats days after the date. You need time to think and to assess this person.
4. Don't get intensely physical on the first few dates. Doing so will distort your view of what is really going on. Don't misread physical sparks for real compatibility.
5. After each date, journal about your reactions and responses. Look at the people you are dating to gather clues about your own progress.
6. Set and keep your boundaries. Don't allow yourself to be pushed too fast. You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is pushy or possessive, but with someone who respects you.
7. Don't take it personally. Don't get depressed over lack of prospects. When you're not feeling anyone and no one is feeling you, it's easy to think it will be this way forever, but this isn't true.
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Comments: 2
This is one of the most extrodinary books I have ever had the pleasure of reading. After years of failed romances and abusive relationships this book opened a whole new world for me. Without this book and the important steps that it entails I would have just continued to go down dead end streets. I would like to thank Susan Elliott for writing this book and anyone who needs any type of relationship advice I STRONGLY reccomend buying this book and following her advice.
Hi, Susan,
After two divorces, two serious "broken" relationships, and now being on my own for almost 8 years after my last break-up, I can't tell you how excited I am to have found your book at my local Library.
I haven't been able to fully recover and move on from my 12 year relationship. I had continued to believe that we might get back together and have remained in a plantonic friendship with my ex all these years. No matter what else I have done, I have not been able to stop loving him.
He hasn't gone with anyone else yet (that I know of) and admits that he still loves me, but does NOT want to be married. That is the initial reason I ended the relationship. I want to be married, not live together.
Have you ever heard of anyone getting back together after this length of time? Is it possible or am I just a fool?
I am just at the Inventory part of your book and know this is the WORK that I haven't done that will probably be the only thing to help me break free from this entanglement.
I'm looking fwd to letting you know how things go on your Blog soon.
Actually I am in the process of putting up my own Blog about recovery and reclaiming the "self" from the effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse.
I know there is a strong connection between that and the inabliity to pick healthy partners, and have done years of working on my own recovery.
That is why I've was sooo devasted by the last relationship's ending. I really thought I had done a good job of picking a much better partner than he turned out to be.
Thank YOU for sharing your personal story and taking the time to write this very important book. It is much needed by people today, men and women......I have already sent your site to several people and will put a Link on my Blog as well.
God Bless You, Susan,
A New Fan, Dazzling Dolly Lutz