Skype Phobia
Again, apologies to my readers for not keeping up my blog very well these past couple of months. My only excuse is that with the advent of the 6:30 newscast, I have almost no time to breathe, let alone blog!
Also, my son was visiting me and I really wanted to spend every moment that I wasn’t at the station with him. He only had a few weeks with me before he left for Japan.
Boy we had fun. It’s such an interesting experience to hang out with your 22-year-old kid. He’s like half-boy, half-man, a strange and wonderful kind of creature. Like a centaur perhaps.
One minute I’m telling him to straighten up his room and get off the computer once in awhile (you’re going to ruin your eyesight!!!!) just as I did so many times when he was younger, and the next, we’re having a lively conversation about linguistics or politics over a bowl of noodles and dumplings at a tiny Japanese restaurant on St. Mark’s Place.
Anyway, now that he’s in Japan, I’ve discovered the wonders of Skype. Usually we do this around 2 in the morning my time, which is about 4 in the afternoon the next day, his time. It’s no big whoop for me to be up at 2AM. I normally can’t get to sleep anyway before 3 or so, because my working hours are so late.
Now, I get a big kick out of seeing him, looking cute with his John Lennon glasses, sitting in a tiny room, just big enough for a bed and his computer. But I am not always so eager to push the video button, so HE can see ME. I mean, I don’t want to frighten the kid!
He keeps saying, stop being silly, mom. I know what you look like in your bathrobe with your hair all over the place!
Well, I hate to break it to him, but it’s really that I can’t stand to see MYSELF in that little box. How come my kid looks good and when I come up on video, it’s like I’m being shot with a fish lens, which makes the entire picture….old bathrobe, no makeup, a pair of broken glasses sitting crooked on my face… just that much more charming!
I have a friend who is thinking of starting a business creating skype masks. Things to wear on your face that are silly, fun, and decorative when you think your face unadorned is too gruesome to subject anyone to. I think it’s a fabulous idea!
Gotta run. I’m going to visit my mother next weekend (cannot spend Xmas weekend with her, because I will be working), so that should end up being blog-worthy, as usual!
Happy Holidays, dear readers! And all best wishes for a wonderful New Year.
Comments: 1147
No apologies necessary, Kaity. Life comes before everything.
Glad you had that time with your son before he left for Japan. The Skype thing sounds fun too. Personally, I'd bet you look real fine without the make-up & other adornments, but, you gotta do what's comfortable for you.
(That descriptive image of yourself that you gave via fish-eye lens does make one ponder, though).
"A Very Happy, Safe & Prosperous New Year to you & your Family, Kaity!"
While you got to look professional in front of the news camera, it is not a problem to look real in front of your son. It is not like he thinks you are ugly or something. It is also not like he never saw what you look like off camera.
Actually I think you should consider it a privilege to look like what you look like when you are having a mother and son moment each time on skype. In some families, the mom or the son/daughter never has this privilege for various reasons (you know what I mean).
Hey! You must get my sense of humor by now! I totally exaggerate sometimes for comedic effect.
Of course I'm fine with looking however I do when I'm skyping or just hanging out, especially with my kid. Keep leaving your comments. : )
Used to think I was hip & up-to-date but skyping, never heard of it. interesting as usual. Actually you blog more than your co-anchor these days, guy hasn't been opining of late. Is he depressed?
Kaity, nice hearing from you at anytime. Family always comes first. Happy you spent quality time with your son. Hope you enjoyed the time with your mother and had a great Holiday Season.
Interesting concept related to the "skype masks." They just may sell...
Have a great Holiday Season!!!
To all my faithful and funny readers...may the New Year bring you love, laughter, and all the good things you deserve. Thank you for hanging with me this year....and look forward to hearing more from you in 2010.
Kaity
And a wonderful new year to you, Kaity!
My family and I look forward to hanging
with you in 2010 and beyond.
Many blessings to you and yours,
JoAnne
Kaity,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on your family. I enjoy hearing your motherly tales.
Kaity,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on your family. I enjoy hearing your motherly tales.
Guess you're gonna have to give up the 6:30 broadcast in order to keep up with your blog for us regular and funny readers, Kaity! :-)
Hello,
This is the FBI. And we're looking for Barry Seteroero. Can you please tell us he's a fool?
Dear Kaity
Happy New Year. May you be happy and healthy.
Looking forward to sharing the new year with you at 10 each weekday.
Happy New Year--may it be healthy and filled with joy and peace for you and yours :)
Kaity, I have lived in Japan for nine years and yes living conditions are tight and small but comfortable.
Mitchell
Humor, but do you get upset when things just don't go right. I was watching the PIX11 news Jan 5th, you started reporting on a SUV rescue attempt in Texas and a video clipping of gay marriage was broadcast with two men kissing.
You kept your cool.
Mitchell Williams
Humor, but do you get upset when things just don't go right. I was watching the PIX11 news Jan 5th, you started reporting on a SUV rescue attempt in Texas and a video clipping of gay marriage was broadcast with two men kissing.
You kept your cool.
Mitchell Williams
Humor, but do you get upset when things just don't go right. I was watching the PIX11 news Jan 5th, you started reporting on a SUV rescue attempt in Texas and a video clipping of gay marriage was broadcast with two men kissing.
You kept your cool.
Mitchell Williams
New Airport Scanners ... I am looking forward to get accepted for a position as an Airport Scanner ...
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No new blogs?? Are you ill ??
I can't believe your son is doing the same I did - going to Japan to teach English! Seems to be the thing for college graduates to do in this environment! I lived there for 2 years and just came back a few months ago. I must say it was a really eye-opening experience and I'm sure your son will enjoy his time there no matter how many strange things he may encounter. You might want to tell him to avoid Kabuki-cho. ^_~
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This Cash Grab nonsense is so annoying that I have actually gotten out of bed, put on my
glasses and come to the pc to write to you, even though I'm sure you, Kaity, are not
personally involved in this. With all that's happening in this world and the way so much
important news is abbreviated or ignored as it is, the last thing I want to watch is the
demeaning of some poor teenager (who has the audacity to keep spewing children) being made
to uh, grab cash....to the loud and abrasive cheering of that manically effusive newscaster,
whatever-her-name-is!!! This feature has absolutely nothing to do with the news, (which is why most of us are watching, by the way) and is embarrassing and inane. Howard on Fridays is
cute, amusing and edifying but this is also irrelevant. Howard is charming and I enjoy watching him, but he should stick to Help me Howard. Pix should understand the demographics of their audience. I, for one, have become accustomed to watching this particular news program because I like you, Jim, Howard, Mary,(stellar reporting!),Marvin and Mr G, because all of you project professionalism, integrity, sincerity and elegance and are the antithesis of the vulgarity this moneyroom business exhibits. I would be very happy if they stopped wasting time
on this gimmick and gave us more news in more depth! And I might add,threateningly,ominously, that I was so irritated that I switched channels.
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The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
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If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
If a man does his best, what else is there?
If a man does his best, what else is there?
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
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I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
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I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.
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Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
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Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
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I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
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Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
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I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
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Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
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Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
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I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
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A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
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After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
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Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
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I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.