My name is Kaity... Ms. Tong If You're Nasty!
So I jump into this cab at the corner of 54th and Fifth. I’m schlepping maybe four bags….my purse, my gym bag, leftover sandwich from lunch, a giant CVS bag….you get the picture.
Anyway, I’ve barely settled in when the driver turns around and yells, “ I know you! I watch you all the time on Channel 11! You guys are great!’ (I’m not making this up. Those were his exact words.) He is so happy I have to remind him not to TURN COMPLETELY AROUND to talk to me WHILE DRIVING! But, small matter. I mean, come on! He is a real fan, and sweet as anything.
So we start chatting. Like many cabdrivers in Manhattan, he is trying to finish college and make some money to send to his parents in his homeland. And he’s supporting a wife and baby girl.
He proudly shows me pictures of his beautiful family. Again, I have to remind him that he can hand me the photos without TURNING COMPLETELY AROUND! This becomes a recurring theme during our short but slightly nerve-wracking ride.
He confesses that since he started driving a cab, he hasn’t watched our news at 10 as much as he used to, but he IS a fan! " That Mr G! He is so funny! You and Jim….so funny, also!”
Clearly, he puts a lot of store in the “comedy” aspect of our newscast. The actual news. Maybe not so much? At least we didn’t get around to discussing the issues of the day.
We finally arrive at my studio on 42nd Street, unscathed. I thank him for the conversation, the ride and for being so enthusiastic about Channel 11. He beams at me, and then calls out as I’m dragging myself and all my stuff onto the street, “Please say hello to your husband, Maury! We love him too. He's a funny guy!"
Now, you might think this is a rare occurrence. It is not. The odd thing is that fans will know =I= am the one doing the evening news on Channel 11, and they know I work with Jim , G, and Lolita. They will often mention a favorite reporter. But even so, there are people out there who KNOW all that and =still= think I am the one married to Maury Povich!
Let me set the record straight. Connie Chung is the one married to him, not me. Connie and I have had a few laughs together over this common misunderstanding.
I used to correct people when they make this mistake, but they get so embarrassed, even when I tell them I don’t mind, in fact, I think it’s funny, they cannot be consoled. So now I’ve taken to just saying” Yes, thank you. Maury’s at home preparing dinner. I will be sure to pass on your nice remarks!” It saves a lot of time.
And while I’m on the subject, you should HEAR the way my name, Kaity Tong, has been butchered over the many years I’ve been in this biz. My favorite remains the letter I got while I was still at Channel 7. The letter begins, “Dear Tiny Tongue……”
Have to run now. I have many more hilarious variations on my name that I’ve heard over the years. But maybe I will save that for another blog. See ya!
Comments: 1794
Where to began??? One you got a NYC cab and the driver to talk with out yelling into there cell phone while dodging other cabs??? I'm not sure if I mind them talking to me with there head turned around or YELLING into there bluetooth!!! I guess it's because you're a very beautiful gal!!! LOL!!!
If you think that your name has been run over the bus once or twice??? My first name that is after a saint get turned around to: Steve???Not a bad name?? but thats not what my mom wanted me to be addressed as. My last name sounds like a very famous model but when repeting it over the phone the "f"'s sound like "s" and the "b" 's sound like "v"s. Now this makes repeting take on a whole new meaning!! Lastly it's not bad to be thought of someone who has a nice way about themselfs so it's not so bad when people say to me that I'm related to: "Fabio" To whom I know and we laugh about it!! Sometimes you just got to lagh it off!LOL!!
This is very funny. I sure need a reason to laugh these days given our gloomy economic climate. But how come I have to search so hard to find this little piece of joy? Just lucky for me I nose around looking. Kaity, your blog needs to be better highlighted so more people can find it!
Kaity, another piece of comedy! Over the years, I know you've learned to roll with "I know you! You're someone..." It's a pleasure to know that you respond so naturally and pleasantly to those who identify (or even misidentify) you. It is a big responsibility to be a "face" these days, to be a personality who is in folks' living room every day,and to have a sense of humor about it. You seem genuinely glad to be recognized, and in your very nice interactions with your viewers, you do credit to your station, your co-workers, and your very good fortune to be doing what you love. Please keep making me laugh! We need it!
Kaity,
if you want tixx for the I.B.S. Javits ctr in April let me know!! I work the show and "ESSI" is a good friend of mine!! thousands of colors to choose from!!!
Let me know!
that's funny...are you good listener or you have a magic where a stranger opens up to you and start taking to you about their lives....
i am not much into TV...but i found out later who you were....a gental and a humble soul
A literat, witty and urbane anchor who believes that serious information should still be part of a newscast? Maybe Kaity can rip some eyeballs away from the computer screens.
Omg. That's hysterical. I love it. Tiny tongue. can't think of anything funnier. And just last week I was upset bc my boss' boss always calls me lisa. Always even in emails. No one realizes he's referring to me. Lol
You and Connie oughta to take a picture together and post it to your respective blogs so that people can finally learn that you are two different people :)
1. I would NEVER mistake you for Connie. You're realer & soooooo much hotter! 2. I guess I'll have to call you "Ms. Tong", 'cause I'm defiantly nasty!
PLEASE KAITY PLEASE SHOW MORE OF YOUR LEGS,AND STOP WEARING SO MUCH BLACK.
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Yep what.s good for the goose is good for the gander. Great idea.
Notice that the Chinese know how to do a stimulus package, while no one in power seems to know how to do a stimulus package here in the US.
Thanks for sharing. His music will continue to rock!
I think you need a bit more of a story with this as this isn't really a news story in its current form. Perhaps you could write about why you like Michael so much?
It is hard to say such a thing is clear.
Significant change, it is.
I'm sorry that's j o c not LOC.
Well said, such a person should be a good sentence, or the future will be more rampant.
will be happy to be proved wrong with this one.... but having done survival training during my Army days, I have to admit to a raised eyebrow with this as well.
I saw on the news that the money they dumped at Shire was fake, to represent the money he had raised. It wasn't the actual money.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
The truth is more important than the facts.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
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One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
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We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.