Snow And The New Suburbanite
In the words of a certain former president, bring it on.
I’m talking about the snow storm on the way. I only moved out of Manhattan a little over a year ago, but already I’m a battle-tested snow-shoveling rock salt-scattering ANIMAL! BOO-YAH!!
That’s right. I have evolved into the species known as Suburbanus Snowshovelus. And I have to say, I didn’t see that coming. I grew up in a suburb of Cincinnati, and most of my memories of tasks like shoveling snow and mowing lawns are not especially fond ones. Of course, that’s because my brother and I only did those things when we were ORDERED to. I can’t remember a single instance of me saying, “Hey, Dad, the snow’s really coming down.. May I go shovel now, please?”
But it’s all different when it’s your own home, isn’t it? Now I stand out on my driveway before a single flake has fallen, staring up at the gray clouds and thinking one thing: Let’s get this party started. There’s been so much snow this winter, I’ve developed some mad skillz in the shoveling department. My legs and back are strong, like bull, but I’m also playing the mental game, the “inner” game, if you will. I don’t just go out there and start throwing snow around helter skelter. I have a system, one that, mathematically speaking, is too complex to go into here. Let’s just say if you’re a snowflake, and you fall on my driveway, I will hunt you down, and I will shovel you.
So here are some tips for my fellow shovelers out there, that might come in handy for you tomorrow:
• Do NOT, repeat do NOT allow anyone to drive over the snow before you’ve had a chance to initiate precipitation clearance procedures. This forms ice where the tire tracks are, people, and ice is the enemy. Your wife may oppose this, insisting she has to “be somewhere.” Best strategy? Hide the car keys.
• Don’t begin your shoveling too early, or new snowfall will render your efforts meaningless. But neither should you begin too late, when too much snow is already on the ground. There’s no one best answer to how to handle this matter. You just have to feel when the time is right. Trust your feelings.
• Every few moments, stop shoveling, lean on your shovel and stare off toward the horizon. Just do it.
I should probably mention at this point that my family is a little worried about me. But, no matter. I’ve only got a few prime shoveling years left, before I turn it over to my sons. They won’t know how lucky they are.
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Comments: 5
JIM,You are lucky you have sons to pass on the snow shoveling too. I had daughter's who were too prissy to do that. Maybe when my grandson gets older, I will get him to do the job, however, I do have someone to shovel now, and hubby doesn't mind either. There are always kids who ring my doorbell too, so the snow goes on, but it gets off my property.
I have a very long driveway, and occasionally, that is a problem. Who really feels like shoveling? I don't do it, but hubby is athletic and he can handle it, only I always worry that he will have a heart attack. He has his own methods too. He is very quick and to the precise point of getting rid of that so called "beautiful snow".
It is so lovely when it's coming down and I look at my deck and my trees, I have a beautiful magnolia that looks so majestic, of course, until the mess and the slush come down and garnish my walk paths.
This year, we got a blue spruce for Christmas, and we plan to plant it. It looks so pretty sitting on the deck, waiting for the ground to "warm up".
I have adjacent property that attaches itself to my property. Actually, I have alot of property, but some of it, hubby doesn't care to have shoveled. It just sits there in its natural beauty.
I remember my kids making snow angels when they were little girls. I remember the snowball fights with the boys when I lived in Queens. I have fond memories when I look out my windows.
My father made me shovel snow. I didn't like doing that. I tried to give the task over to my brother, of course. My little sister, got away scott free. She always had a charmed life, free from the shovel. Anyway, that's my take of snow shoveling. Being the oldest, has it's disadvantages, and so be it. Yes, I did shovel snow at one time in my life, but never again.
Lee *beingthebabyofthefamilymeansnosnowforyou
I wish i could be so overpaid to read a script off of a teleprompter.
In a way its sickening to listen to you read about all these layoffs, when you people are making six, seven and in some cases eight figure salaries.
I totally agree and now Obama has said that it is shameful that the wall street biggies got approximately 18 billion dollars, while others are suffering. It does make me sick to think about it.
Jim
My blood boils when I hear G or Chris Knowles announce another snow storm is coming. Sometimes I feel like calling Help Me Howard just to get someone to scrape ice and remove the snow that has found its way stuck on windshield like Elmurs Glue. Theres nothing worse than spending the first 15 minutes of your day shoveling snow or de-icing your windshield while your coffee gets cold only to know you are trying to get somewhere you don't really want to be (a little cubicle). I have spent nearly 20 years as the Genus Species Suburbanus Snowshovelus, I can only tell ya Jim it gradually gets worse. Soon you will say to yourself "Why am I living here." or "Honey, Channel 5 in Palm Beach, FL has opening for a News Anchor!". Anyway best of luck to you the rest of the winter, I'll catch you on the flipside.
Eric L.
Summer will get here eventually, and we will all be roasting in the heat. It is usually hot, hazy, and humid in NY. I like the spring and the fall, because, you can usually get 2 or three good days out of these seasons.
If my Con Ed bills get any higher this year, I will flip, but then again in the summer, when I put on the air-conditioning, the bills go flying up again too. Goes to show you that you can't win, no matter what. I said this before, we live in Purgatory. Lee
*ormaybethisishellonearth