« The Beautiful Life: TBL Is First Fall Casualty |
Main
| Heather Locklear On The Set Of Melrose Place - First Pic! »
Sep
29
Get Your Free Tickets To See The Tyra Banks Show!
4:47PM | September 29, 2009 | posted by Gossip Guy | comments: 1492
Tyra Banks is back in the studio shooting new episodes of her daytime talk show and if you're in New York, you can watch a taping.
Free tickets are currently available for tapings of The Tyra Banks Show on Wednesday, October 21st and Thursday, October 22nd. Tyra Banks tapes her show at:
Chelsea Studios
221 West 26th Street
New York City, NY 10001
(between 7th and 8th Ave.)
To apply for tickets, please click here for October 21 or here for the October 22 taping.
You must be at least 18 years of age to attend a taping.
Click here for arrival information and here for answers to frequently asked questions about attending a Tyra Banks Show taping.
The Tyra Banks Show airs weekdays from 3-5pm on PIX.
Comments: 1492
What are the topic shows for these two taping days?
They haven't disclosed their guests or topic for those dates. They usually hold that info close to the vest, but contact them directly and maybe they'll tell you.
This blog is cool.
No Doubt! your blog contain very useful information.
Great blog article about this topic, I have been lately in your blog once or t
I have been reading your posts during my afternoon break, and I must admit the whole article has been very useful and very well written. I thought I would let you know that for some reason this blog does not display well in Internet Explorer 8. I wish Microsoft would stop changing their software. I have a question for you. Do you mind exchanging blog roll links? That would be really cool!
blog回复：
Thanks for the blog loaded with so many information. Stopping by your blog helped me to get wha
emsuimnvbbmdoraqylpm, dnqjyggfjo
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
I am not young enough to know everything.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
This weblog seems to recieve a good ammount of visitors. How do you advertise it? It gives a nice unique twist on things. I guess having something useful or substantial to give info on is the most important factor.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.